DEV::Project.genesis

Feds up stakes in manhunt

NewsTech Press Services

"Reporting the Technology that Affects You"

August 23, 2043

Several federal agencies are weighing in on the controversy surrounding a popular musician who had nanotechnology implanted into his body, with consequences ranging from quarantine to incarceration.

Lead guitarist for the band Agents of Apathy, Karl “Kludge” Brinanski was informed last week that the federal Department of Commerce was seeking a subpoena compelling him to appear before a federal grand jury regarding charges of transporting hazardous materials across state lines.

Brinanski was catapulted into the limelight earlier this year when, during a concert when his band opened for the industrial country group Toby Keith Resurrected, he took off his shirt to reveal tattoos which seemed to move. After the concert, he told reporters the tattoos were actually a series of “nanobots” which had been implanted into his skin, and lit up according to a pre-programmed pattern.

Additionally, the Centers for Disease Control and the National Institutes of Health jointly sought court orders on Monday for the quarantine of “Krudge” until they can determine what dangers the nano-devices might cause to others.

“Without knowing the design and function of the nanomachines implanted, as well as the procedures used to implant them, we can not accurately predict the total extent of the danger to the general public,” Inosh Havrapti, spokesperson for the CDC´s newly-formed Micro Engineering Risk Control Task Force, told reporters at a joint press conference.

Dr. Jess Hardesty, director of NIH´s Synthetic Toxins Response Laboratory, reiterated NIH´s persistent seeking of industry standards and professional oversight.

“If just any untrained person is allowed to perform hazardous procedures that potentially can threaten large, unsuspecting populations without repercussions,” he predicted, “then the extinction of the human race is certain to arrive within the next year, if not sooner.”

The press conference came on the heels of legislation filed by the President´s Congressional Oversight Committee, to have all nanotechnology, as well as technology used to program and manufacture nanotechnology and all products of nanotechnology, declared property of the federal government.

A number of Democrat and Libertarian legislators have vowed to fight the bill, but due to a law passed just weeks before the last election, by the predominantly Faith-Republican Congress, both Houses of the Legislature have 30 days to defeat the bill or it automatically goes to the President to be signed into law.

Jerrold Williams, attorney for Mr. Brinanski, told reporters, “My client will not participate in the suppression of the civil rights of himself or any other person. The government will have to find someone else to populate their new Black List.”

Mr. Williams is credited by many legal scholars as the prime force behind the eventual bringing to justice of the police officers, lawyers, and judges who conspired to falsely imprison three young men, known as the West Memphis 3, with the last conspirator entering prison five years ago.

Mr. Williams told reporters that he was not aware of his client´s current location, and had been told “Kludge” was planning to relocate periodically to confuse the “manhunt” currently underway.

“It´s sad that in order to safeguard the freedom of expression of American citizens, Kludge must deprive Americans of his musical genius,” the attorney told reporters sadly.

Other members of Agents of Apathy were unable to be reached for comments.

Highly placed government officials, speaking on the condition of anonymity, described discussion of nanotechnology as “bordering on hysteria,” “full blown panic,” and “frothing at the mouth.”

“I´m surprised nobody has tried to reform the old Food and Drug Administration so they could jump on the bandwagon to harass [Kludge],” one official told this reporter. “Or the House Un-American Activities Committee, even.”

Trivia Question! When was the Food and Drug Administration disbanded? Answer: in October of 2014, then-President Palin signed the legislation disbanding the FDA. The action was based on charges by pharmaceutical companies alleging that the agency was deliberately refusing to approve new medications unless bribes were offered.

Independent authorities on nanotechnology have been hard to find, since the industry has virtually polarized between the “/dev/projects” and governmental camps. Those in between have been conspicuous in their refusal to comment.

One university professor in quantum mechanics told this reporter “Sure, I talk to you, I get fired, get fined, lose my grants, and quite possibly go to prison. Word is: back the feds or shut up.”

The professor may have been referring to the sudden and unexplained disbanding of the renowned Foresight Institute three months ago. The IRS revoked their non-profit status in January, retroactive twenty years, and several key figures in the Institute are under investigation for diverse charges.